a homunculi inside me

so far, i'm making a fool of myself.... at times i thought that it would be really nice if i have friends, and if my friends were really having fun when they're with me.. but as i continue on doing things that would make them comfortable or would make them laugh, i felt and deeply realized that i wasn't really happy.... i was literally making a fool of myself.... but i can't help it... i felt that i was just a page from a good book that entertains a reader. i have imitated, created, and lead a life that wasn't mine and had the perception that everything happens cause they have reasons. i wonder if i still believe in that crap...... maybe.. maybe not.... what would become of me? when would this grand narrative of mine end.. would it really end.. i hope it would end... end.... end in misery..... like i always do with myself..... they have in their minds the perception that i am nothing but a soulless being, breathing in a corner, half human half dead.. so to speak.... a homunculi... a human with insidious thoughts, a corpse full of vehemence...... living a life tediously, doing the same things every single day..... cynicist of its own..... call me cynical for all i care.... in the end, you'll all realize how little i care... people connive just so they could talk of me... envious.. envious... truly.... i end this letter/narrative with nothing else to say.........
NOTHING ELSE TO SAY.......