Along the Lines of December
Author’s note:
I’m trying to write this without sounding neither contrite nor because I was asked to. I know I’m writing this because I wanted to write it. I have no idea if I’ll be giving Hannah justice by writing this but I am writing what I have to write and want to write. Last night, I cried myself to sleep thinking of her as I listen to sappy songs on my iPod. Oh, and I won’t allow ‘Mom’s pet dog, pampered’ as the title. It lacks flavour. SORRY! And some cheesy poem down there, bit of a hurry so please forgive the poem’s lack of creativity.
It’s not everyday you get the chance to love and appreciate a dog.
Maybe, she’s not even a dog if you look at the way we treated her. She was far more than just a dog. She was almost human but not entirely human. There is a fine line between a dog and being a human but I’m sure just as I’m sure the sun rises every morning that she was treated humanely. She was lucky to have us.
A year after our dog Rex died, our father bought two Shih-Tzus as gifts for mom. I wasn’t able to get to know Hannah (and Alex) better since I was staying in Manila for the whole two years she was with us. I get to see her every week; it was easy to love her. She was adorable and sweet and she liked being with people. She was petted in every way possible but not to the point she was spoiled. I guess you could say she’s our little sister; and like most families, the youngest was the most adored and best taken care of. She was that and also to every other dog.
Well I won’t list down what she was like and the memories we all had with her for the past two years. Just to make things easier for us, I'll make the long story short; she got sick and acquired CDV or canine distemper virus. Google it. She had vaccines for it, even booster shots but I guess she had a weak immune system. As a result, she got weak within days and was confined twice. The doctors had to put an IV on her (something I was mostly fascinated with). It was very hard to look at her; you could tell she was suffering. She lost weight in a few days; you could feel every bone in her body. With my mom out of country for a month, the dogs got depressed and Hannah felt weaker with each day that passed by. So eventually mom got worried and had to come home a day earlier. I hear you guys ask what difference does a day make?
A lot actually.
I still remember that day she got up to greet mom when she arrived. It was a Wednesday. She was lying on her back looking comfortable and wanting to be petted on her tummy. She suddenly got up, her ears moving carefully trying to sense the air when she heard the screen door close loudly. She walked with a fast pace towards the dining room where the screen door was opening and closing to let dad in; she was wagging her tail. It was a bittersweet sight. It was sweet because I know she was happy to see everyone hugging her; bitter and painful because I know she was really trying even with her emaciated figure just to see them. Mom bought gifts for her and I think she liked them; cute dress, chew toys, treats and a soft dog bed. I felt her feeling well that day and prayed for her to get well. She was also looking a bit better the next day. She was eating and she even visited her pups c/o mom.
That Thursday was the beginning and the end. She has said her goodbyes to everyone without us even noticing it. Midnight of Friday, I was watching TV amidst the silence that donned the evening. Just before the first wee hour, I felt the need to munch on something and found the jar of Stik-O sitting idly on my things. I grabbed one and put it inside my mouth just before my door burst open. Dad was on the doorway with his towel draped below him and asked me “Asan na si Hannah?” (Where is Hannah?), I shrugged puzzled by his question. He closed the door behind him. I asked myself why he would ask me that when he perfectly knew that she’s in KC’s room. Confused, I got up and hurriedly ate what was left of the Stik-O to look where Hannah might be.
Opening my door that moment was something I might never forget. The house was still and quiet, the door to my parents’ room just across mine was left open. There was no one inside. KT’s room just beside mine was also open; she wasn’t there either, just her laptop wheezing silently on her bed. I looked around and they weren’t anywhere. Alex was there lying, or maybe sleeping on the floor. There was only one room I’ve never checked and that was KC’s room beside KT’s room. I stopped dead on my tracks realizing the mistake I made when dad came in my room. He wasn’t asking me where Hannah was, he was telling me something. I looked at the closed door of my sister; it made sense. I dreaded opening the door but I knew I had to. I slowly opened the door just in case Hannah was sleeping, but realized there was no need when I saw what I feared dad told me. Right there on KC’s bed, everyone was sitting. My sisters and my mom were crying around Hannah who was lying on her new dog bed. There was no labored breathing coming from her. I walked to her side and wondered if everyone witnessed how she died and if anyone had thought about calling me or even realizing where I was when they were all there as she died. It kinda stung but I pushed that aside because there were more important things than me. There was Hannah, lying lifeless on her bed, still warm and her eyes open showing an endless pit of nothing. While I sat there I remembered Death Cab for Cutie’s song What Sarah Said and felt hairs on my nape stood up. My mind was warring whether to cry or not. I decided not to and held up as much tears as I could possibly hold. She’s gone and I had to muster up the courage to move on. We all have to. We buried her that morning and everyone’s attention is now on Alex. Alex might be wondering where all the attention came from. He’s getting pretty much of it.
If mom came home on her original flight she might never see Hannah again. I’m sure Hannah is happy to see her; she waited long enough just to jump and wag her tail at her. Now, she’s resting peacefully with Rex.
Hannah was a dog to some people but she was someone more than that to us. She was given all the love we could offer and she had done the same to us. She gave us two cute pups and memories that we’ll play on our heads as we think of her. I’m positively sure just as I’m sure the sun goes down every evening that she’ll be in our hearts every day (along with Rex). We were lucky to have her.
It’s not everyday you get the chance to love and appreciate someone.
DECEMBERS
Let’s not forget those days in December,
When we were living different lives.
That’s when I met you, I still remember
How you changed most our lives.
Maybe if we can slow down time,
Then more days to you we’ll show.
Maybe it would still be fine,
If you didn’t have to go.
Let’s not dwell on things that end,
But rather on beginnings.
Where our endless love to you we send,
And show you the greatest things.
Fireworks, gifts, a sit by the fireplace,
A sip of coffee as we remember your face.
Mondays, Fridays or any other day,
I’d sacrifice time just to see you play.
Let’s try to remember those days in December,
When I hear your heart beating wildly,
When we’re naïve to believe we’ll have you forever,
When you were quiet and sitting idly.
So as the fleeting light from the candle draws to a close,
And petals from flowers turn brown and wilt,
And as you lie beneath the stars,
Decembers are mysteries no one but us knows.
*by sugarcanes_weathervanes
**karlalauren
WHAT SARAH SAID by Death Cab for Cutie
And it came to me then
That every plan,
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes
In the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths
As I said to myself
That I'd already taken too much today
As each decending peak
On the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It sung like a violent wind
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were truth
I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around
At all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round
And everyone lifts their head
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die
So who's gonna watch you die?
I’m trying to write this without sounding neither contrite nor because I was asked to. I know I’m writing this because I wanted to write it. I have no idea if I’ll be giving Hannah justice by writing this but I am writing what I have to write and want to write. Last night, I cried myself to sleep thinking of her as I listen to sappy songs on my iPod. Oh, and I won’t allow ‘Mom’s pet dog, pampered’ as the title. It lacks flavour. SORRY! And some cheesy poem down there, bit of a hurry so please forgive the poem’s lack of creativity.
It’s not everyday you get the chance to love and appreciate a dog.
Maybe, she’s not even a dog if you look at the way we treated her. She was far more than just a dog. She was almost human but not entirely human. There is a fine line between a dog and being a human but I’m sure just as I’m sure the sun rises every morning that she was treated humanely. She was lucky to have us.
A year after our dog Rex died, our father bought two Shih-Tzus as gifts for mom. I wasn’t able to get to know Hannah (and Alex) better since I was staying in Manila for the whole two years she was with us. I get to see her every week; it was easy to love her. She was adorable and sweet and she liked being with people. She was petted in every way possible but not to the point she was spoiled. I guess you could say she’s our little sister; and like most families, the youngest was the most adored and best taken care of. She was that and also to every other dog.
Well I won’t list down what she was like and the memories we all had with her for the past two years. Just to make things easier for us, I'll make the long story short; she got sick and acquired CDV or canine distemper virus. Google it. She had vaccines for it, even booster shots but I guess she had a weak immune system. As a result, she got weak within days and was confined twice. The doctors had to put an IV on her (something I was mostly fascinated with). It was very hard to look at her; you could tell she was suffering. She lost weight in a few days; you could feel every bone in her body. With my mom out of country for a month, the dogs got depressed and Hannah felt weaker with each day that passed by. So eventually mom got worried and had to come home a day earlier. I hear you guys ask what difference does a day make?
A lot actually.
I still remember that day she got up to greet mom when she arrived. It was a Wednesday. She was lying on her back looking comfortable and wanting to be petted on her tummy. She suddenly got up, her ears moving carefully trying to sense the air when she heard the screen door close loudly. She walked with a fast pace towards the dining room where the screen door was opening and closing to let dad in; she was wagging her tail. It was a bittersweet sight. It was sweet because I know she was happy to see everyone hugging her; bitter and painful because I know she was really trying even with her emaciated figure just to see them. Mom bought gifts for her and I think she liked them; cute dress, chew toys, treats and a soft dog bed. I felt her feeling well that day and prayed for her to get well. She was also looking a bit better the next day. She was eating and she even visited her pups c/o mom.
That Thursday was the beginning and the end. She has said her goodbyes to everyone without us even noticing it. Midnight of Friday, I was watching TV amidst the silence that donned the evening. Just before the first wee hour, I felt the need to munch on something and found the jar of Stik-O sitting idly on my things. I grabbed one and put it inside my mouth just before my door burst open. Dad was on the doorway with his towel draped below him and asked me “Asan na si Hannah?” (Where is Hannah?), I shrugged puzzled by his question. He closed the door behind him. I asked myself why he would ask me that when he perfectly knew that she’s in KC’s room. Confused, I got up and hurriedly ate what was left of the Stik-O to look where Hannah might be.
Opening my door that moment was something I might never forget. The house was still and quiet, the door to my parents’ room just across mine was left open. There was no one inside. KT’s room just beside mine was also open; she wasn’t there either, just her laptop wheezing silently on her bed. I looked around and they weren’t anywhere. Alex was there lying, or maybe sleeping on the floor. There was only one room I’ve never checked and that was KC’s room beside KT’s room. I stopped dead on my tracks realizing the mistake I made when dad came in my room. He wasn’t asking me where Hannah was, he was telling me something. I looked at the closed door of my sister; it made sense. I dreaded opening the door but I knew I had to. I slowly opened the door just in case Hannah was sleeping, but realized there was no need when I saw what I feared dad told me. Right there on KC’s bed, everyone was sitting. My sisters and my mom were crying around Hannah who was lying on her new dog bed. There was no labored breathing coming from her. I walked to her side and wondered if everyone witnessed how she died and if anyone had thought about calling me or even realizing where I was when they were all there as she died. It kinda stung but I pushed that aside because there were more important things than me. There was Hannah, lying lifeless on her bed, still warm and her eyes open showing an endless pit of nothing. While I sat there I remembered Death Cab for Cutie’s song What Sarah Said and felt hairs on my nape stood up. My mind was warring whether to cry or not. I decided not to and held up as much tears as I could possibly hold. She’s gone and I had to muster up the courage to move on. We all have to. We buried her that morning and everyone’s attention is now on Alex. Alex might be wondering where all the attention came from. He’s getting pretty much of it.
If mom came home on her original flight she might never see Hannah again. I’m sure Hannah is happy to see her; she waited long enough just to jump and wag her tail at her. Now, she’s resting peacefully with Rex.
Hannah was a dog to some people but she was someone more than that to us. She was given all the love we could offer and she had done the same to us. She gave us two cute pups and memories that we’ll play on our heads as we think of her. I’m positively sure just as I’m sure the sun goes down every evening that she’ll be in our hearts every day (along with Rex). We were lucky to have her.
It’s not everyday you get the chance to love and appreciate someone.
DECEMBERS
Let’s not forget those days in December,
When we were living different lives.
That’s when I met you, I still remember
How you changed most our lives.
Maybe if we can slow down time,
Then more days to you we’ll show.
Maybe it would still be fine,
If you didn’t have to go.
Let’s not dwell on things that end,
But rather on beginnings.
Where our endless love to you we send,
And show you the greatest things.
Fireworks, gifts, a sit by the fireplace,
A sip of coffee as we remember your face.
Mondays, Fridays or any other day,
I’d sacrifice time just to see you play.
Let’s try to remember those days in December,
When I hear your heart beating wildly,
When we’re naïve to believe we’ll have you forever,
When you were quiet and sitting idly.
So as the fleeting light from the candle draws to a close,
And petals from flowers turn brown and wilt,
And as you lie beneath the stars,
Decembers are mysteries no one but us knows.
*by sugarcanes_weathervanes
**karlalauren
WHAT SARAH SAID by Death Cab for Cutie
And it came to me then
That every plan,
Is a tiny prayer to father time
As I stared at my shoes
In the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths
As I said to myself
That I'd already taken too much today
As each decending peak
On the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me
Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It sung like a violent wind
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were truth
I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around
At all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round
And everyone lifts their head
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die
So who's gonna watch you die?
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