An Update After A Few Months

I've been trying to find inspiration the last few months and I've been trying to find myself these past few days but still I failed. This post is not because I found inspiration but because it's been bothering me that I haven't updated for a long time. Also, this post will be in the format of my stream of thought.

 

Today, I discovered that I'm sad. Sad, lonely and miserable. You've experienced it. Something bad happened and then you got over it after a few hours or so you thought, then there's this nagging feeling that tells you you're pissed for no apparent reason. That's what I'm feeling and I hate it because I know the reason why.

When you try to prove to yourself that you're better than what you are now, there are only two possible things that could happen: You may succeed or you may fail. When you fail, it only proves one thing: You're not capable of doing better than what you can do now. I'm being a pessimist here but given that I feel miserable today I should be pessimistic. I look back and see that not much have grown in me and to quote Socrates: "The only thing that I know is that I know nothing". Really, what do I know?

I need to live and to do that; I have to be out there! Where the sun shines, where everyone moves, where everything is poetic. I have to be unpredictable. I NEED to be unpredictable. I have to strive for happiness.

I've been having flashbacks of the things I'd done that I hate and events that embarrass me by several levels of magnitude. It's torture to relive them all over again. Regrets are hard to forget 'cause they stay with you. Everyone has regrets; they just say they don't have any because they've learned how to live with them. Memories are a treasure and ghosts at the same time. They're ghosts in a heart-shaped box.

 

I need someone to love and I need that someone to love me back. I've got so much love to give but no one to receive it. I need love.

 

I need a black hole. Can someone give me one?