Mornings used to be good.
So it has been months since my last update as I have been writing, literally writing, in my journal. I feel like I have nothing good to share since creativity left me years ago in a college dumpster. I lost it somehow - the ability to write something beautiful. Now I can only write when I'm in pain. This is why I'm writing now; I'm suffering.
I do not know why there have been days when I just couldn't move. I blame it on laziness, but I feel like this is different. This isn't just sadness that goes away when I eat ice cream. It repeats itself when it wants to. There isn't any reason why I should feel sad and yet I do. Don't start with me with saying that I'm feeling a bit homesick. I felt like this even before I left my country.
So I decided, yes I decided on my own without seeking any professional help, that I am depressed. OK, I MIGHT be depressed since there really isn't any doctor I have talked to about this. I couldn't eat, I couldn't function, I feel sleepy even though I had a complete 7 - 8 hours of sleep. I cry when there's no reason to. Maybe PMS? I do not know. But this is a recurrent feeling. It's as if there's a dark cloud hovering above me never wanting to go away.
I lie on my bed most days looking at the ceiling, at the curtains waiting for something to happen. I guess for the hour tick by and when the hour has passed I'll wait for another and another. It's making me feel tired and restless. I wish I could be more productive in the morning.
This is where I leave you.
-karlalauren -sugarcanes_weathervanes
I do not know why there have been days when I just couldn't move. I blame it on laziness, but I feel like this is different. This isn't just sadness that goes away when I eat ice cream. It repeats itself when it wants to. There isn't any reason why I should feel sad and yet I do. Don't start with me with saying that I'm feeling a bit homesick. I felt like this even before I left my country.
So I decided, yes I decided on my own without seeking any professional help, that I am depressed. OK, I MIGHT be depressed since there really isn't any doctor I have talked to about this. I couldn't eat, I couldn't function, I feel sleepy even though I had a complete 7 - 8 hours of sleep. I cry when there's no reason to. Maybe PMS? I do not know. But this is a recurrent feeling. It's as if there's a dark cloud hovering above me never wanting to go away.
I lie on my bed most days looking at the ceiling, at the curtains waiting for something to happen. I guess for the hour tick by and when the hour has passed I'll wait for another and another. It's making me feel tired and restless. I wish I could be more productive in the morning.
This is where I leave you.
-karlalauren -sugarcanes_weathervanes
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