In Retrospect and Where I am Right Now In Life
I think part of setting goals and really getting them started is to start knowing where you currently are and who you are as a person first. Part of which is acknowledging parts of yourself which hinder you from setting and getting goals.
As a teenager, I loved writing. When I left university, got a job at a hospital somewhere and got into a toxic relationship is where things went downhill for me. I stopped writing, I stopped reading the books that I buy, I stopped watching my favorite YouTube channels which, to be honest, is where I gained an open-mind and learned from informative talks. I used to be smart and I used to learn but now I'm trying to relearn again the things that I lost. I'm trying to gain back what I left years ago in a black hole of self-pity and self-harm.
I'm not saying that to make excuses. To be honest I used to but now I'm saying these because I'm acknowledging it. It happened. It was real. But how do I go from quitting to restarting? How does that experience help me gain traction?
First, I need to know where I am right now. 2016 has been so harsh to me that hoping for a NEW year gave me something to look forward to. I didn't have a job for almost the entire year! How the hell would that look like on my CV? Despite landing a somewhat-good-paying job last June, I had to quit because a better opportunity which I had been waiting for a year suddenly popped in to say "Surprise! I haven't forgotten you! Now, I'm here!" Like an ex-boyfriend who texted you just as when you were starting to move on. I had to quit that current job which I was not even a regular employee yet, ergo, I was a probie, ergo, quitting before I get a regular status meant I will not get any Recommendation Letter in the future, ergo, the months I served there were all for naught, ergo, I had no job for almost NINE MONTHS!!!!!
Despite this major setback, I now have a job that pays me well. This helps me with the debts that have piled up due to the months that I didn't have work. This is quite important to me since one of the things I want to have focus on this year is to be DEBT-FREE and be FINANCIALLY STABLE.
FOCUS.
Another important tool I need to get a grip on. I am definitely not getting any younger. I turned 28 last November and I feel as if my life hasn't given me anything yet that is of value that would help me in the future. I have this thinking that as an adult I am pretty much shitty at being one. I envy my friends and other "Facebook friends" and I blame social media for making them look like they're having a better life than me.
SOCIAL MEDIA.
To my knowledge, I spent 95% of my free time browsing Facebook and Instagram. I didn't do much to improve my skills, talents, and hobbies. Also, due to excessive social media use, my insecurity levels have now reached its maximum state. I am paranoid, I am envious, I am insecure, and I feel completely worthless. I need focus and I need to gain trust and confidence in myself.
Today, I learned that I am more of an "obliger" when it comes to goals. Obligers have a tendency to respond positively to outer rules like deadlines rather than inner rules which they set for themselves. They wake up and think "What's expected of me today?". This is me. I'm a people-pleaser. I know I can commit to deadlines and rules given to me but when I make my own rules for myself, I no longer follow. This is why I am having difficulty in starting my goals. Again, this is not an excuse, rather, a realization as to why I stopped setting, getting, and committing goals. To know what type you are, click here.
Pretty much, I am not at my best right now but I have only been focusing on the negative aspects that have happened to me because I'm pessimistic. Somehow, for me, knowing that I am not having much at the moment makes me hope better for this year. Because I'll be working on so much and I know that I have a lot to go. And when I look back on how much I will have grown, I know I will be satisfied with the work I made for myself.
Now I'm getting a clearer view of who and where I am right now, I need these information for me to gather my thoughts and insights to help me set my goals. Right now, writing this blog post is a form of restarting. I am working on getting myself out there and start writing again so best of luck to me!
xxxxxxxx
It's weird that the title of my blog is flushedback (quick history: flashback was already taken so I took the word closest to it which still has meaning to me since I used to write things about my past as if I was being "flushed back" if that made any sense). And writing this post is a flashback of what happened to me these past years. Maybe I have come full circle. This is how I start.
-karlalauren
As a teenager, I loved writing. When I left university, got a job at a hospital somewhere and got into a toxic relationship is where things went downhill for me. I stopped writing, I stopped reading the books that I buy, I stopped watching my favorite YouTube channels which, to be honest, is where I gained an open-mind and learned from informative talks. I used to be smart and I used to learn but now I'm trying to relearn again the things that I lost. I'm trying to gain back what I left years ago in a black hole of self-pity and self-harm.
I'm not saying that to make excuses. To be honest I used to but now I'm saying these because I'm acknowledging it. It happened. It was real. But how do I go from quitting to restarting? How does that experience help me gain traction?
First, I need to know where I am right now. 2016 has been so harsh to me that hoping for a NEW year gave me something to look forward to. I didn't have a job for almost the entire year! How the hell would that look like on my CV? Despite landing a somewhat-good-paying job last June, I had to quit because a better opportunity which I had been waiting for a year suddenly popped in to say "Surprise! I haven't forgotten you! Now, I'm here!" Like an ex-boyfriend who texted you just as when you were starting to move on. I had to quit that current job which I was not even a regular employee yet, ergo, I was a probie, ergo, quitting before I get a regular status meant I will not get any Recommendation Letter in the future, ergo, the months I served there were all for naught, ergo, I had no job for almost NINE MONTHS!!!!!
Despite this major setback, I now have a job that pays me well. This helps me with the debts that have piled up due to the months that I didn't have work. This is quite important to me since one of the things I want to have focus on this year is to be DEBT-FREE and be FINANCIALLY STABLE.
FOCUS.
Another important tool I need to get a grip on. I am definitely not getting any younger. I turned 28 last November and I feel as if my life hasn't given me anything yet that is of value that would help me in the future. I have this thinking that as an adult I am pretty much shitty at being one. I envy my friends and other "Facebook friends" and I blame social media for making them look like they're having a better life than me.
SOCIAL MEDIA.
To my knowledge, I spent 95% of my free time browsing Facebook and Instagram. I didn't do much to improve my skills, talents, and hobbies. Also, due to excessive social media use, my insecurity levels have now reached its maximum state. I am paranoid, I am envious, I am insecure, and I feel completely worthless. I need focus and I need to gain trust and confidence in myself.
Today, I learned that I am more of an "obliger" when it comes to goals. Obligers have a tendency to respond positively to outer rules like deadlines rather than inner rules which they set for themselves. They wake up and think "What's expected of me today?". This is me. I'm a people-pleaser. I know I can commit to deadlines and rules given to me but when I make my own rules for myself, I no longer follow. This is why I am having difficulty in starting my goals. Again, this is not an excuse, rather, a realization as to why I stopped setting, getting, and committing goals. To know what type you are, click here.
Pretty much, I am not at my best right now but I have only been focusing on the negative aspects that have happened to me because I'm pessimistic. Somehow, for me, knowing that I am not having much at the moment makes me hope better for this year. Because I'll be working on so much and I know that I have a lot to go. And when I look back on how much I will have grown, I know I will be satisfied with the work I made for myself.
Now I'm getting a clearer view of who and where I am right now, I need these information for me to gather my thoughts and insights to help me set my goals. Right now, writing this blog post is a form of restarting. I am working on getting myself out there and start writing again so best of luck to me!
xxxxxxxx
It's weird that the title of my blog is flushedback (quick history: flashback was already taken so I took the word closest to it which still has meaning to me since I used to write things about my past as if I was being "flushed back" if that made any sense). And writing this post is a flashback of what happened to me these past years. Maybe I have come full circle. This is how I start.
-karlalauren
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