When You're on the Other Side of the Fence: Dealing with Rumors
So in my last post, I talked about how listening to negative things about someone could eventually lead to that same negative thoughts and feelings towards that person. This time, I am going to talk about what to do when you’re on the other side of the fence: When you are the talk of the town. You’re that person everybody dislikes. What do you do??
Well before we decide on what you should do, you must first categorize which context you are in.
Three things:
a. The rumors are not true about you. ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE.
b. The rumors are true but you aren’t doing anything bad to someone. You’re just being YOU and people aren’t keen on accepting who you are.
c. The rumors are true and you are indeed a toxic person to be around. Everyone dislikes you because you create a negative cloud in the workplace.
Decided which one you are in yet?
GREAT!
THE RUMORS ARE NOT TRUE ABOUT YOU
People who fall in this category usually experience rumors that were spread because people decided it was the truth instead of actually investigating about it. (e.g. “He got to the top by kissing everyone’s ass” Could be true but who knows?)
What to do?
This is fairly easy. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Let your actions speak for yourself. It isn’t your problem that they didn’t ask your side of the story. And you don’t owe them any explanation. Keep your head high and keep doing what you do. If it happens that the environment makes you unable to work properly then I suggest you do something. Bullying is not welcome in any workplace. Talk to someone you trust.
This advice is easily attainable if you’re the type who has self-confidence and a strong personality. Usually, these people have the “I don’t care what people think of me” attitude. When I was in the same situation, I must admit that I had a hard time doing this because I was insecure, but because I had great friends who believed in me, dealing with the problem made it somewhat bearable.
Time will pass and people will forget and people will eventually move on from that and they will see who you really are and hopefully, they decide to get to know you better and hear the story from you.
THE RUMORS ARE TRUE AND YOU AREN’T RAINING ON ANYONE’S PARADE
If you’re a people pleaser, you might find it difficult to ignore the people talking behind your back or spreading negative things about you. Every day is going to be difficult. The most important thing is for you to find a support system that got your back.
Another way is to find a healthy outlet for your frustrations. Be it writing, reading, or cooling your head off in the gym, having a hobby can be a good thing for you to take your mind off of things.
I have a friend who was disliked by a lot of people because of her weird nature. You might say it’s her best and worst attribute. She used to please people because she didn’t like conflict and that also took a toll on her. Eventually, she realized that pleasing people didn’t do her any good so she decided that if they didn’t like her then she doesn’t give a fuck anymore. She’s still weird, but she found friends who accepted her for who she is. You need time to reflect and friends to help and be there for you when things get really rough.
Know this: people will always have something bad and GOOD to say about everyone. In dealing with these, it depends on how they say it, it depends on how they talk about it, and it depends on how you take it. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to be the better person and to never let yourself go down their level but also taking note to not let yourself be a push over.
THE RUMORS ARE TRUE AND YOU TRULY ARE A SHITTY PERSON
Great! You’ve reached this part. I’m proud that you even acknowledged that you’re a shitty person. Well, the real question is: Are you going to do something about it?
Sure, people will have opinions and you might not share the same values or the same thoughts but are you causing a disruption in the workplace?
First off, bullying isn’t welcome. ANYWHERE. EVER. Either you’re the one being bullied or you’re the bully, it should stop. Talk to someone, report this, confront the person.
Second, stop blaming other people for your actions. Stop playing the victim card. You should always be responsible for your actions and no one else. Remember that when you do something repeatedly, it no longer becomes an accident. It becomes you if you do not CHOOSE to change it.
Some people aren’t open to change, some people have an excuse why they act a certain way, some people do not accept that they’re a toxic person to be around. It takes a lot of practice to be self-aware but once you’ve accepted this, you’re ready for the third step, which is to REFLECT.
See, when people do not like you, they do not like you for a reason. Sometimes it’s insecurity, sometimes you just are not their type, sometimes you rub people the wrong way, and you are just not nice to people. It’s good to differentiate these things. That’s why I suggest that you reflect. Maybe there’s something you do need to change about yourself.
Keep a journal, or an app to let you jot down your thoughts. Reflect on who you were before you became the person you are. Write down who you are right now, write down the positive and negative things about you. Write down who you want to be and what kind of person you want to be in the future. Let that guide you. Find and write down the root cause why you act the way you do.
Change is difficult and uncomfortable but if you try to do something positive daily then you are taking it one step at a time to go through that change. You’re making it a habit! Keep pushing!
I am not, by all means, an expert on self-improvement or self-management. I know I need help myself. To me, the most important trait to improve oneself is to be self-aware. It takes a great deal to accept yourself, acknowledge that you made mistakes, and that you make a conscious effort to do something about it. Everyone likes kindness and respect. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Yes, it’s one of those hackneyed phrases but it still is true.
It also wouldn’t do anyone any good if you spread rumors about people who hate you. Stop saying they’re insecure about you. Stop saying they envy you that’s why they hate you a lot just so you can feel good about yourself. JUST STOP THAT. You’re just making your head inflate with narcissism air. They still despise you. Focus on improving yourself!
Also, saying “I don’t care what people say. I’m just being me.” doesn’t work for your type. That can only be said by the previous groups we mentioned.
Remember that you’re the
Take constructive criticisms like a champ and use it to be a better person. Bring that ego down a notch and try to accept that you’re wrong. It isn’t easy. Nothing is easy. That’s why people hate you because you’re not easy to get along with.
If you have friends (God I wish you do!), talk to them. Sometimes having an honest conversation with your friends and asking their opinion about what they think of you as a person helps. A strong support system is important so they can push you.
If all else fails, try personality development counselling. It’s not a shame to ask for help. What matters is that you are doing something to be a better person. While it's good to not let anyone or anything bring you down, I also think it's best when we try to change for the good NOT FOR ANYONE but for ourselves.
At the end of the day, people will have opinions about us. We cannot please everyone and it's always up to us if we want to change or not. I'm just here expressing my thoughts.
Best of luck!
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